Is there such a thing as being too nice? One would think not, but sadly, there are times when that may be the case.

It would natural to think that if you treat people nicely they will want to respond in kind. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen.

When you are nice or kind to someone who is unused to it or is emotionally damaged in some way, they may see it as a signal that you are weak. They may try to take advantage of you if they see an opening. Your gesture of good will may mean to them that you are less likely to stand up for yourself.

Let’s say that you do something nice for someone without expecting something in return. Not long after that person may start asking you for favors. Instead of seeing your act of kindness as something to be appreciated and reciprocated, they see it in a selfish way. They will continue their requests and it will likely escalate until they become unreasonable. When you finally do say no, you may feel guilty because you have agreed to so much before.

When you are nice, some damaged people can feel like they have license to take your time and possessions as they please. They think you’ll never stand up for yourself, so they have no reason not to and you will never defend yourself in a fight.

You may have been taught to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” but not everyone subscribes to this philosophy. Sometimes being nice just makes you a target of those who find it easier not to be.

Being nice to people is a definitely a good thing, but it pays to protect yourself. Go ahead and test the waters. Be nice but don’t go all out for someone unless you’re pretty sure you know how they will respond to it. If you see signs that the recipient is testing your kindness, be sure to assert yourself so they know that you can’t be taken advantage of.

Don’t think you always have to be nice. Recognize that in some situations it isn’t necessary or won’t be appreciated. It can even cost you in the long run, so think about who you want to extend your kindness to.

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It takes work to make a relationship last. One thing that is sure to sabotage a couple is snide comments. Harmful remarks are hard to brush off sometimes and can build up causing resentment.

You can only ignore comments like that for so long, before you start feeling angry. You may want to lash out. Here are a few ways to relieve some of the pressure before it reaches a boiling point.

1. If it’s infrequent, try ignoring it. Assume that your partner just had a bad day and didn’t mean it.

2. If it continues, try explaining to your partner how those comments make you feel. Make it personal and give examples. Tell your partner specifically how you feel after a snide comment.

3. Most couples could benefit from regular counseling. A weekly or monthly appointment will give you both an opportunity to air problems and express appreciation for each other.

Frequent counseling also gives couples a chance to address things discussed in previous sessions. That way, things are not left unsaid.

For the sessions to be the most beneficial, each person must feel they can safely express themselves. To facilitate this, explain your issues in non-blaming statements.

So, do your part to enable your relationship to go the distance. If your partner snaps at you, give him the benefit of the doubt and let it go. If it is an on-going problem, however, call him out on it before you lose it. Explain how it makes you feel without placing blame.

Regular counseling sessions may be the secret to many long term relationships. They will help clear the air and give each person a safe place to express themselves. You may need to go to counseling on a continual basis. Couples who invest such time and effort into making their relationship work should see results.

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You may love everything about your man – he could be handsome, funny, and charming – but despite all the great things about him, his hair still might need some work. Seeing your guy with an unattractive haircut can nearly spoil the whole package!

If you find yourself with a guy like this, you’ll have to tread carefully if you plan on telling him that he needs to change his haircut. Guys can be very sensitive about their hair, and just coming out and saying that a guy’s hair is ugly is sure to put a damper on the relationship. Here are some tactful ways to improve your guy’s hairstyle, no matter what he has on top of his head.

Thinning or Balding – Probably the most common hair problem facing men, it can be tough on their self-esteem since it’s unattractive to women. Thus, men pay incredible amounts of money for hair loss treatments, ranging from topical lotions to prescription pills.

If your guy is losing his hair, don’t bother pointing it out to him – it’s a given that he already knows and is self-conscious about it. If his hair loss is an issue for you, there really isn’t much you can do about it. His hair will most likely continue to fall out as he ages, so if it’s a big problem for you, you should consider moving on to a different relationship if you can’t accept it.

Bed Head – Does your man keep his hair looking a bit disheveled on purpose, to achieve that “just got out of bed” look? Some guys do this intentionally while others are just completely unaware that their hair looks unkempt. If your man can’t pull off the look, let him know gently that he needs a new hairstyle.

Frizziness – It may not seem like it, but guys have the same hair problems that women do. Most of the time, we don’t even know how to fix them, or even don’t feel like it’s worth the trouble.

If you’re dating a metrosexual guy he’s probably aware of the usefulness of hair products; otherwise, you may have to teach him about these products yourself. You can casually mention that a little gel could help straighten out his look, and show him how to choose one specifically designed to tame his frizzy hair.

The “Baldy” Look – Some guys shave their heads to hide the fact that their hair is thinning, while others do it because they like the look. It works for some guys, but not others. If your man’s buzz cut is unattractive or even scary, suggest to him that he would look good if he grew it out some.

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The number of people seeking treatment in the United States for depression has doubled to 25 million in the past 15 years. There’s a gender component, with women more likely to suffer from depression as men:one in four women versus one in eight men will experience a severe depressive episode in their lifetimes. With so much going on right now on the mental illness front, how can the average person pick the right therapist for them?

One friend told me to treat it like a shoe buying excursion: try them on until you find a fit. Several other friends who have been in therapy have also given me some suggestions, and here are the criteria that I have heard and found useful in my own search for the right counselor.

* Listening skills. The right therapist will do more listening than talking. Don’t be one of those patients who reports that their therapist does not listen to them. If your therapist won’t listen, who will? That is what you are paying them for!

* Open-mindedness. You don’t want to go to someone who seems to judge you while you are in session. This is going to be counterproductive because it can cause you issues with self-esteem and make you feel badly about yourself. If you feel judged in a session, don’t return to that therapist.

* Finds your strengths. One therapist told me that there is more to therapy than just figuring out what is wrong, you also want to find what is working. A therapist who can help you discover your strengths is helping you and building your self-esteem.

* Holds off on the meds. Many patients report that their therapists were quick to medicate them. Often, therapists wrote out prescriptions during the first session.

This is a big fast and reckless. Your therapist should be taking more time to get to know you and your symptoms and history, to better prescribe the appropriate medication and dosage.

Maybe you are going through a hard time, or maybe you just need a supportive ear. Therapy can help with this. It is important to find the right therapist, however. Shop around and try several therapists before you settle with the right one for you.

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Every person has a fundamental choice in life. You can look at your life and circumstances with a positive outlook or a negative outlook. Sometimes this is termed wearing rose-colored glasses when we are talking about someone who takes an optimistic view of things.

I know this is the case. When I have challenges in life, I have to choose whether I am going to look at the negatives or the positives. Here’s a quote that I remind myself of in these instances, and that I have shared with others who also find it helpful:

“Expect the best to happen, and you are on your way toward success. Don’t worry until you have to.”

Have you ever heard of the term ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’? I think we all have, yet few people stop to really think about it. I believe that there is a lot of truth to this term. When people run around thinking of all of the things that could possibly go wrong about a situation, I think it lends power to these possibilities we don’t want to have happen – not a smart choice!

If you think about it, we tend to achieve what we concentrate on. Since that’s the case, why would you want to concentrate on things you desperately want to avoid? Instead, be an optimist and head toward success!

Now, that doesn’t mean I am a Pollyanna. I know that not everything is going to work out always. There will be times that you don’t get what you want – that’s just called life. But we can still choose how we relate to the world and how we look at things.

If we are going on and on about how bad things are, that just wastes time and keeps us stuck where we don’t want to be. Instead, why not put in the time and effort to get out of the negative space and back to where you want to be? Just refuse to give up, often things will turn around.

It’s like driving a car – you will go where you are looking and steering toward. Use your thoughts and energy and effort to focus on the outcomes you desire, and this is a big step toward realizing those goals!

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I was talking the other day with my friend Martin at happy hour. He brought up a very interesting topic. Martin’s in his mid-thirties and dating a young woman he nicknamed Lady Friend. She isn’t his girlfriend yet, at least not that he tells people. They have been together for around three months.

Well, Lady Friend may not be on the same page as Martin, commitment-level wise. Martin won’t call her his girlfriend, and there she was inviting him home for Easter to meet her parents. This shocked him :’so soon!’ he exclaimed. But then we started talking and wondered, how soon is too soon, and how do you know when it is ok to invite the partner home?

Martin’s take is that three months is not long enough. Our friend Jane agrees with him. Jane is even more conservative with bringing home dates than Martin is. If you want to meet her parents, Jane tells us, you can figure on dating her at least a year before you get that invitation.

My own case is unusual. I told them hesitatingly of my story. My current boyfriend invited me to meet his parents only five weeks after we started dating. My friends were amazed. ‘What did you do?,’ they asked me.

Simple: I went. ‘Turned out fine, we’re still together and happy nearly a year later.’ That doesn’t mean that I was comfortable with five weeks though. In fact I waited several more months before inviting my boyfriend home to meet my parents.

There are a number of factors to consider when you determine when you want to invite your partner to meet your parents. You need to weigh the pros and cons. On one hand, too soon and your significant other will feel rushed and uncomfortable. Nobody likes to be pressured.

But on the other hand, an invitation is a good way to gauge whether your partner is serious. That is something you do want to know, and it may be better to find this out sooner rather than later. Wouldn’t you want to know rather than waste your time?

You may be wondering what happened with Martin. Well, he decided to go with his gut, and stay home with his family for Easter. Meeting Lady Friend’s parents will have to wait for now.

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In the early stages of a new relationship, you aren’t sure of each other or the future of your partnership. It’s a thrilling time, full of discovery and self-disclosure.

While this is a great feeling, it cannot last. Eventually the excitement of new love settles into a warm, loving companionship if the relationship is to continue. This doesn’t mean that you can’t stay in love, only that it takes a bit more effort.

Any couple that has been together for a long time knows this. The early stages are only the first act; the rest of the play takes place after things have settled down. If you find yourself wondering how to make this transition, take heart. You can stay in love after the falling in love stage of the relationship ends. Try some of these suggestions.

Spend some time apart: New couples tend to monopolize each others’ time. They want to go everywhere and do everything together. Of course, in the long term that’s just not practical.

You need to spend time alone to keep up with yourself and who you are. Don’t let your own interests and pursuits fade because of a relationship. Spending time on your own, following your own needs and pursuits, will help you and your partner remember why you found each other so interesting and desirable.

Trust yourself: Listen to the little voice inside, if you get the feeling that there is something going wrong. You aren’t paranoid. You are perceptive, and picking up on early, minute signals that there is something amiss that needs fixing.

If you do this when you first feel uncomfortable, you may be able to stop a problem before it becomes severe. The earlier an issue is addressed in a relationship, often the easier it is to resolve.

Don’t get too comfortable: Your partner deserves to be with someone who is fit, healthy, smart, and charming. Just because you’ve been together for a long time doesn’t mean that you can forget about these things.

Keeping yourself up shows respect for your partner. It also shows that you respect yourself, and are willing to continue to work for and value your relationship.

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