After a breakup, most people are asking themselves, “How do I get my ex-girlfriend back?” They go back over their whole history, trying to decide what they could have done or said differently. They work on long letters of apology, e-mails, phone messages and whatever else they can think of to try to get their relationship back on track.

This is so an ineffective strategy. It almost never works and when it does, generally not for long. Want to know why? She probably doesn’t know exactly why she needed to break up with you so how in the world are YOU supposed to figure it out. Women do not think things out the way we do. She probably felt generally uneasy or cooped up and associated this feeling with you. It may really not be your fault and you should stop wearing yourself out trying to figure out your role in the breakup.

Although you really want to know, “how do I get my ex girlfriend back,” your best plan right now is to back off and relax. Give her her space and take some of your own. Get back in control of your life. You’re not an appendage on her or any other woman. Get back in touch with who you are. If you want to go do something you have not done since you started dating, go for it. Often a guy quits something for his girl’s sensitivities. Indulge. Take a break and enjoy yourself. You deserve it.

Give yourself a recess for a couple of months and make some positive changes in your life. It will do you a world of good – trust me.

This way you can get your life back under control. You will have a different point of view regarding relationships and the one with your ex in particular. When you are grounded in yourself, you will have a better idea how you feel about her and what to do about it.

Now. Assuming some time has passed, do you still want her back? Are you ready to move on instead? You are more centered now, so plan according to your choice, not your compulsion. Now you can start to figure out how she really feels about you.

It is time now to come at this more decisively. Plan your next moves carefully, not just going back pleading for her to reconsider and come back to you. Now is not the time to be emotional about this to that extent.

What you should be doing instead, is playing it cool with her. If you have been apart for a while as described above, she has already probably been missing you. Go in with the attitude that you are fine but you would like her in your life. You are not shredded without her but you have strength to offer her as well and want her love. You can play a little coy but not like you are indifferent. Your strength should cause her to reconsider. Girls generally don’t like weak and needy. Do you?

At this point it will begin to be clear whether you will or will not be getting back with your ex girlfriend. Don’t try to analyze everything you should say and do to the point that you do nothing. You want to know, “how do I get my ex girlfriend back,” so to get the answer to that question you need to play it cool and take your time. It may happen and it may not. Either way, you are strong. You can handle it.

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